We're damaged goods, what the hell, we've got nothing more to lose...
It's hard to let this all out and type it up, but I honestly couldn't hold it in anymore. I've been fighting for both sides of this predicament for the past several weeks. I didn't want to say anything because nothing was finalized, but now it's completely real and I'm hoping I'm not looking at the end of my career.

Last night, at the Salmon festival, shit hit the fan. We were all there: Bif, Britt, Foxx, Leah, and I. For those of you who are familiar with LiveonRelease, you'll know that we're on Bif's label, Her Royal Majesty's records. We were signed to their label at the turn of the millennium, and though Bif clearly states that she didn't sign us because Brittin is her manager's daughter, it's honestly the only reason we were signed. Though HRM is Bif's label, no matter how much Bif liked us, we wouldn't have been signed unless Peter liked us as well.

From the get-go, Britt's word was the word that always won. Don't get me wrong, I still consider her one of my dearest and closest friends, though I doubt she's too happy with me at the moment. Anyway, the songs she wrote were always the lead-off singles. "I'm Afraid of Britney Spears" was co-written by her and I. "Let's Go" was written by her. Leah, Foxx, and I were all pushing for other singles to be released, but the management team insisted on having the songs Britt wrote as singles. Whatever Britt wanted for the band is what Britt got. We never had a problem with her as a person. Ever. But we started feeling like third-world citizens when nothing we asked for ever happened. During our spring tour, Foxx and Leah told me that they'd been talking in private for a few months and were unhappy with the state of the band and what was going on with us. I convinced them to please stick it out, that things would get better, that this band was not only our favourite thing in the entire world but also our careers. I was stuck in the middle and Britt was still very oblivious. We couldn't tell her. We simply couldn't, it would stir up an extreme amount of shit. Foxx and Leah both took my advice for a few more months. They trusted my word, they believed me when I said things would get better.

I was wrong. They just got worse. We started getting in petty arguments and I was always stuck in the middle. Foxx and Leah often stormed away, leaving Britt looking at me in a confused and often angry manner. I was becoming overwhelmed. I couldn't stand to play the mediator every single day while my band crumbled at the seams. I just wanted to perform in front of crowds, write music, do interviews... anything but what was taking place. I wanted to be happy with my life, the arguments certainly weren't making me happy.

Yesterday, after Bif's set and even though we played onstage with her for a song, Peter and Riley went over to Britt to tell her what a great job she did and Leah exploded, Foxx soon after. They spilled everything out to Bif, Peter, Riley, and Britt. Everything about how Britt was treated differently than the rest of us, that we didn't choose singles because of quality, that we didn't have the freedom we deserved as a band. Though I was still somewhat torn, I agreed to leave as well. We split up. We don't know what we're doing at the moment, honestly. Foxx, Leah, and I are still friends. Britt isn't speaking to us. I haven't said a word to Bif since yesterday, but she wasn't even a part of the whole fiasco when it comes down to it.

I can't leave music, it's my passion as well as my career path. I know that Foxx and Leah feel the exact same way. We might start a new band with a new guitarist. I might even play guitar. We all might branch off and join new bands. Either way, LiveonRelease is done. It's over. We've broken up, we're never using the name again (it was Britt's, after all), and I am completely fucking broken. I have no career, I just graduated from high school and I have no college plans... this isn't what I wanted to happen.

It shouldn't have ended this way but it did. All good things must come to an end, I suppose. HRM is not releasing this information, though you'll probably be able to realize that we're not together anymore once you notice that the site will never exactly be updated ever again. Britt, as far as I know, is now a permanent member of Bif's band.

I don't know what to do.



Radiohead - My Iron Lung

Faith, you're driving me away
You do it everyday
You don't mean it
But it hurts like hell

My brain says I'm recieving pain
A lack of oxygen
From my life support
My iron lung

We're too young to fall asleep
Too cynical to speak
We are losing it
Can't you tell?

We scratch our eternal itch
A twentieth century bitch
And we are grateful for
Our iron lung

Suck, suck your teenage thumb
Toilet trained and dumb
When the power runs out
We'll just hum

This, this is our new song
Just like the last one
A total waste of time
My iron lung